u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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