I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
