end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize