OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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