walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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