I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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