Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
