its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
