He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
