Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize