Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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