i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
