im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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