I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
