I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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