If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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