I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
