In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
