i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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