my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
