Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
