I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
