I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
