Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
