You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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