She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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