my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I love you.
Bad choice
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
