She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize