Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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