I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
