brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
