I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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