Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
