i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
