I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
