Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is the high leading the old right now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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