Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
