I cannot find my penis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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