my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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