Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
