You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
