my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
