When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
PANTIES FOUND
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
