do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
