My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
