omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize