you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
