i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
