we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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