My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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