Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
