i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
