getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
