just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
