I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
