Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
