So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
