let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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