sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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