I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
