yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
