ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
