i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
