even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
