Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
