One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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