the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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