I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
