flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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